Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
