Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
