I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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