your parents love me but you hate me
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
