I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
