a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
