will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
