His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
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Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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