Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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