Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
