i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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