well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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