just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize