I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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