I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
