Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
