I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
