You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
