So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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