Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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