just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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