he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
