So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
