dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
