she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
