I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
