My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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