Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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