You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
