jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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