There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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