can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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