Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
