my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
