You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how can u be prego again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
