I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
