just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
