Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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