he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
