well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
