Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
