3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
