Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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