I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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