Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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