I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
