Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
