So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
