I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
