My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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