My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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