People in love make me want to vomit
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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