I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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