I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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