All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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