come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
