I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
