theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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