and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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