you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
