i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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