I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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