I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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