I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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