we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
