he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
