I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
