Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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