i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
