Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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