My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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