I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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