we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
