i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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