no. you can't hotbox the world.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
