Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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